Some bosses don’t know they’re gaslighting. They think they’re managing. Leading. Giving feedback. But what they’re really doing is controlling. If you’re in a leadership role and your team is walking on eggshells, something might be off.

Gaslighting is a word that gets thrown around a lot. But in the workplace, it has a specific meaning. It’s when a boss or leader makes others question their own judgment, memory, or abilities. And it’s a big problem.

Let’s talk about what it looks like. Then, how to lead differently—with honesty and integrity.

What Is Gaslighting in Leadership?

Gaslighting at work usually starts with small things. A boss denies saying something. Or they blame someone for a mistake they didn’t make. Over time, it adds up. The team feels confused. Disoriented. They stop trusting themselves—and their leader.

This isn’t just about bad communication. Gaslighting is about power. It’s about making someone feel less capable, so the person in charge can feel more in control.

Why Integrity Matters More Than Ever in Modern Leadership

Good leadership is built on trust. If your team doesn’t trust you, they won’t follow you. They’ll follow orders, maybe. But not with energy or belief.

Integrity means being honest. It means owning your mistakes. It means treating your people like adults, not pawns.

Gaslighting breaks that. It tells people their experiences aren’t real. That they’re too sensitive. That they’re not good enough. Even if that’s not what you meant, it’s what they hear. And it chips away at everything you’re trying to build.

10 Signs You Might Be a Gaslighting Boss

If you see yourself in some of these signs, don’t panic. Awareness is the first step. But ignoring it? That’s how toxic culture grows.

1. You Deny Conversations You Clearly Had

If someone brings up a past conversation, and your first response is, “I never said that,” check yourself. It’s possible you forgot. But if this happens often, your team may start to feel like they can’t rely on their own memory.

2. You Dismiss Concerns as “Drama” or “Oversensitivity”

When someone brings you a real issue, do you brush it off? Do you say things like “You’re overthinking it” or “That’s not a big deal”? This isn’t just poor listening. It’s gaslighting. It makes people feel small and unheard.

3. You Change Expectations Without Warning

If the target keeps moving, your team will never feel safe. You asked for one thing. They did it. Then you say it’s wrong—because now you want something else. That’s not leadership. That’s confusion disguised as control.

4. You Undermine Your Team to Stay in Control

Do you correct people in meetings just to prove a point? Do you downplay their work or ideas? If you make others feel less smart so you look more capable, that’s not leadership. That’s fear in disguise.

5. You Twist Facts to Win Arguments

You bring up mistakes out of context. Or maybe you exaggerate timelines and say things happened differently than they did. Even small changes add up. Your team starts to question everything. Not just you—but themselves.

6. You Take Credit but Avoid Responsibility

When things go well, you highlight your role. When things go wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault. That’s a red flag. Leaders with real integrity don’t need to protect their ego. They give credit and own their part in failures.

7. You Confuse Feedback with Criticism

Tough feedback is important. But if your feedback feels more like judgment than guidance, it’s not helping. Ask yourself: Is this building someone up or just making them feel worse?

8. You Publicly Shame and Call It “Accountability”

If you call someone out in a meeting or make jokes at their expense, you might say you’re being direct. But that’s not what your team hears. They hear blame. Shame. Humiliation. That’s not accountability. That’s gaslighting.

9. Your Team Looks Tired, Not Inspired

You might think pressure gets results. But if your team seems drained, anxious, or checked out, there’s a deeper issue. Constant stress from toxic behavior leads to burnout. And gaslighting is a key driver.

10. You Make People Doubt Themselves, Not Grow

Great leaders build confidence. Gaslighting bosses chip away at it. If people leave meetings feeling confused or worthless, something is wrong. Growth doesn’t come from fear. It comes from safety.

Gaslighting Leads to Burnout, Not Performance

Gaslighting creates a work environment where no one feels safe. People overthink every message. They hesitate before speaking. They second-guess everything. Over time, that leads to burnout—not progress.

If your team is always exhausted, ask why. It’s not just the workload. It’s the emotional toll of never feeling seen, heard, or trusted.

When Insecurity Turns Toxic: Gaslighting and Imposter Syndrome

Sometimes, gaslighting starts from a leader’s own insecurity. You feel like a fraud. You’re afraid someone on your team is smarter than you. So you shut them down before they shine.

That’s imposter syndrome at work. And when leaders don’t deal with it, they project it. They gaslight others so they can feel less threatened. But it doesn’t solve anything. It just spreads the insecurity around.

Gaslighting Destroys Autonomy — and Teams Know It

Good teams need space. Space to think, solve, create. That’s autonomy. But gaslighting bosses take that away. They control everything. They micromanage and create fear around every decision.

When your team stops speaking up, that’s not a sign of alignment. It’s a sign they’ve given up. You haven’t built trust—you’ve built silence.

From Gaslighting to Accountability: Leading with Integrity Instead

If any of this sounds familiar, there’s good news. You can change. But it starts with honesty. Look at your habits. Ask your team for real feedback. Listen. Don’t defend—just hear them.

Accountability isn’t about blame. It’s about ownership. It’s about being the kind of leader who grows, even when it’s uncomfortable.

The best leaders don’t pretend to have it all together. They show up with integrity, and they fix what’s broken. That’s what real leadership looks like.

Interested in seeing if you are a gaslighting boss? Take this free assessment and see for yourself.

Frequently Asked Questions About Gaslighting at Work

What is gaslighting by a boss?
It’s when a boss manipulates someone to question their memory, instincts, or reality. It often involves denial, blame, or withholding information.

Can good leaders unintentionally gaslight?
Yes. Many do it without realizing. That’s why awareness and feedback are so important.

How does gaslighting affect employee performance?
It kills trust. It causes confusion, stress, and burnout. Over time, it breaks down morale and drives good people away.